Read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F
It made me rethink all the times I always gave a fuck over some of the virtually irrelevant things in hindsight. It made me
It made me rethink all the times I always gave a fuck over some of the about irrelevant things in retrospect. Information technology fabricated me realize that it's sometimes necessary to take a step dorsum and re-evaluate why I recall so-and-so on a daily ground.
I also wrote down a lot of Mark Manson'southward writing into my notes because I knew I would need it in the near future. And I would similar to thank him for answering quite a lot of fears of mine with such a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth.
The Subtle Fine art of Non Giving a F*ck was both personally relevant and entertaining.
Here are a few pieces that helped me and then some:
"The key to a skillful life is not giving a fuck about more; it'southward giving a fuck most less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and of import."
"Because when you give too many fucks—when you lot give a fuck about anybody and everything—you will feel that you're perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the fucking manner you desire it to be. This is a sickness. And it will eat you alive. Yous will see every adversity as an injustice, every challenge every bit a failure, every inconvenience every bit a personal slight, every disagreement as a expose. You volition be bars to your own petty, skull-sized hell, burning with entitlement and bluster, running circles around your very own personal Feedback Loop from Hell, in constant move yet arriving nowhere"
YES! This is exactly how I feel when I give as well many fucks about things that have little lasting bear on on my life.
"Life is essentially an endless serial of problems, Marking," the panda told me. He sipped his drink and adjusted the lilliputian pinkish umbrella. "The solution to one problem is just the creation of the next ane."
A moment passed, then I wondered where the fuck the talking panda came from. And while we're at it, who made these margaritas?
"Don't promise for a life without problems," the panda said. "There'due south no such thing. Instead, promise for a life full of skilful problems."
Disappointment Panda was one of the all-time additions to this book.
"Who you are is defined by what you're willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and can bench-press a small firm. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who alive information technology and make information technology.
This is not about willpower or grit. This is not another admonishment of "no pain, no proceeds." This is the virtually unproblematic and bones component of life: our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, forth with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems.
See: it'due south a never-ending upwardly spiral. And if you retrieve at any betoken you lot're immune to stop climbing, I'm afraid you're missing the bespeak. Because the joy is in the climb itself."
This volume is slowly just surely shifting my world.
"If yous desire to alter how you see your issues, you take to change what you value and/or how y'all mensurate failure/success."
"Honesty is a good value because it's something you lot have complete command over, it reflects reality, and information technology benefits others (even if it's sometimes unpleasant). Popularity, on the other hand, is a bad value. If that'southward your value, and if your metric is being the most popular guy/girl at the trip the light fantastic toe political party, much of what happens will be out of your control: you don't know who else will exist at the effect, and you probably won't know who half those people are. 2nd, the value/metric isn't based on reality: you may feel popular or unpopular, when in fact y'all have no fucking clue what anybody else really thinks almost yous. (Side Note: Equally a dominion, people who are terrified of what others remember about them are actually terrified of all the shitty things they call back almost themselves being reflected back at them.)"
That side note is speaking the truth!!!
"I'm not proverb that this excused what my ex did—not at all. But recognizing my mistakes helped me to realize that I perhaps hadn't been the innocent victim I'd believed myself to exist. That I had a role to play in enabling the shitty relationship to continue for as long every bit it did. After all, people who date each other tend to have similar values. And if I dated someone with shitty values for that long, what did that say about me and my values? I learned the hard mode that if the people in your relationships are selfish and doing hurtful things, information technology'south likely you are too, you just don't realize it."
Taking responsibly for your actions, simply not blaming yourself was i of the about valuable lessons I got from Mark Manson.
"A lot of people might hear all of this and so say something like, "Okay, but how? I become that my values suck and that I avoid responsibility for all of my problems and that I'g an entitled little shit who thinks the earth should revolve around me and every inconvenience I experience—just how do I change?"
And to this I say, in my best Yoda impersonation: "Do, or do not; there is no 'how.' "
Y'all are already choosing, in every moment of every twenty-four hours, what to requite a fuck about, and then change is as elementary equally choosing to give a fuck most something else.
It really is that simple. It's simply not easy.
It'due south not like shooting fish in a barrel considering y'all're going to feel like a loser, a fraud, a dumbass at first. You're going to be nervous. Yous're going to freak out. You may get pissed off at your wife or your friends or your male parent in the process. These are all side effects of irresolute your values, of changing the fucks you're giving. But they are inevitable.
Information technology'due south elementary but actually, really hard."
"Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don't go from "wrong" to "correct." Rather, we become from incorrect to slightly less incorrect. And when nosotros larn something additional, we get from slightly less wrong to slightly less incorrect than that, and then to fifty-fifty less wrong than that, and then on. We are ever in the process of budgeted truth and perfection without actually e'er reaching truth or perfection."
He's changing my world right at present.
"We all have values for ourselves. Nosotros protect these values. We endeavor to alive upward to them and nosotros justify them and maintain them. Even if we don't hateful to, that's how our brain is wired. Equally noted before, we're unfairly biased toward what we already know, what we believe to be certain. If I believe I'thou a nice guy, I'll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that conventionalities. If I believe I'm an awesome cook, I'll seek out opportunities to prove that to myself over and over again. The belief always takes precedence. Until we modify how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.
In this way, "knowing yourself" or "finding yourself" tin be unsafe. It can cement you into a strict role and saddle y'all with unnecessary expectations. It can close yous off to inner potential and outer opportunities.
I say don't detect yourself. I say never know who y'all are. Because that's what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others."
I didn't fifty-fifty realize I felt this mode until I saw it so clearly on paper.
"In that location's a kind of self-absorption that comes with fear based on an irrational certainty. When y'all assume that your plane is the 1 that's going to crash, or that your projection idea is the stupid ane everyone is going to express joy at, or that you're the one everyone is going to choose to mock or ignore, you lot're implicitly telling yourself, "I'm the exception; I'k unlike everybody else; I'thousand different and special."
This is narcissism, pure and simple. You feel as though your problems deserve to be treated differently, that your problems have some unique math to them that doesn't obey the laws of the physical universe.
My recommendation: don't be special; don't be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and broad ways. Choose to measure yourself not every bit a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Cull to measure yourself not equally some horrible victim or dismal failure. Instead, measure yourself by more mundane identities: a pupil, a partner, a friend, a creator."
That thing about the airplane is 100% me!! So I go information technology know: if you recall y'all're special—make up one's mind non to exist.
"The desire to avoid rejection at all costs, to avoid confrontation and conflict, the desire to attempt to have everything equally and to make everything cohere and harmonize, is a deep and subtle form of entitlement. Entitled people, because they experience as though they deserve to experience great all the time, avoid rejecting anything considering doing so might brand them or someone else feel bad. And because they refuse to refuse anything, they live a valueless, pleasure-driven, and self-absorbed life. All they give a fuck about is sustaining the high a little chip longer, to avert the inevitable failures of their life, to pretend the suffering away."
"If you make a sacrifice for someone you intendance about, it needs to be because y'all want to, not because you feel obligated or because you fright the consequences of not doing so. If your partner is going to make a sacrifice for you, it needs to because he or she genuinely wants to, not because you've manipulated the sacrifice through anger or guilt. Acts of love are valid simply if they're performed without conditions or expectations."
Damn, I wasn't prepared for The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck to completely change my worldview in such a meaningful way. I will cherish this book for a long fourth dimension to come up.
4.five/5 stars
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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28257707-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck
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